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I Will Serve Out of Love

I'm a striver.
I struggle with being performance oriented.
Like a dancing  monkey, I might give you a good performance if you're willing to grant me a worth while reward.

This fault has been the thorn in my side when it comes to not only trying to understand the unconditional love of God, but also trying to remember it.

How and why would He love me when I haven't given Him a good Christian performance? Isn't He disappointed when I mess up? Isn't He embarrassed by my tantrums and disgraces?

This morning as I was talking with Him and almost pleading,
     "Abba, I just want to please you. I just want to do Your will..."
I felt like He asked,
     "Why? Are you serving me out of a fear of punishment or out of love?"

Immediately I knew the answer.
I had fallen back into fear of punishment.
This week hasn't been my most stellar week and I was desperately trying to convince God with my words that I was going to be better.

I know better. He's shown me better. I don't earn His love. He just loves me.
Why? Because I'm his daughter.

The lyrics to Won My Heart by Gateway Worship started playing in my mind.
I am yours
You are mine
I need nothing else
As the stars in the sky
By your hands, I am always held

You restore my soul
I will fear no evil


Serving Him out of a fear of punishment IS a fear of evil.
God is not evil.
While I revere Him as God of the universe, Sovereign, Almighty and Powerful, He is still my Father; and He loves me just because I'm His daughter.
He has won my heart, and I choose to serve Him out of love.

If you'd like to hear the whole song, here it is:
Won My Heart


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