I Will Serve Out of Love

I'm a striver.
I struggle with being performance oriented.
Like a dancing monkey, I might give you a good performance if you're willing to grant me a worth while reward.

This fault has been the thorn in my side when it comes to not only trying to understand the unconditional love of God, but also trying to remember it.

How and why would He love me when I haven't given Him a good Christian performance? Isn't He disappointed when I mess up? Isn't He embarrassed by my tantrums and disgraces?

This morning as I was talking with Him and almost pleading,
"Abba, I just want to please you. I just want to do Your will..."
I felt like He asked,
"Why? Are you serving me out of a fear of punishment or out of love?"

Immediately I knew the answer.
I had fallen back into fear of punishment.
This week hasn't been my most stellar week and I was desperately trying to convince God with my words that I was going to be better.

I know better. He's shown me better. I don't earn His love. He just loves me.
Why? Because I'm his daughter.

The lyrics to Won My Heart by Gateway Worship started playing in my mind.

I am yours

You are mine

I need nothing else

As the stars in the sky

By your hands, I am always held

You restore my soul

I will fear no evil

Serving Him out of a fear of punishment IS a fear of evil.
God is not evil.
While I revere Him as God of the universe, Sovereign, Almighty and Powerful, He is still my Father; and He loves me just because I'm His daughter.
He has won my heart, and I choose to serve Him out of love.

If you'd like to hear the whole song, here it is:
Won My Heart

Comments

Because of great empathy, Jesus wept

John 11: 32-33&35 "Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, 'Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.' When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. Jesus wept." As I was reading through this chapter and familiar story, I was suddenly struck with the depth of this particular part of the story. Jesus, being God, knew that He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead. Not only that, but a few verses earlier, He even told His disciples what He was about to do. The death of Lazarus was not news to Jesus--nor, in my mind, do I imagine a very troubling thought to Him since He knew what was about to happen. So then, why did He weep? Why was He greatly troubled? Because He saw the deep pain of His friends. His empathy was SO great that even knowing what was about to happen He still wept with His friends. "Fo

Life in a seed

I wasn't a science major but if I understand the very basic reproduction cycle of a plant it goes something like this... An adult tree has these beautiful flowers which bees are attracted to. These bees shake the pollen into the "ovary" of the plant for fertilization. The fertilized plant embryo (with the proper care and nutrition) blossoms into a delicious fruit. Inside that fruit there is a seed, and that seed can be planted into the ground to grow another adult tree. Question... Is there life in the seed? Is the seed valuable of its own accord? Two adults who fell in love and were married. The male adult "pollinated" so to speak, the female adult, thereby creating an embryo. Already equipped with its own little beating heart, this little embryo (whom I believe was 7 or 8 weeks at that moment) grew into a fetus with the proper care and nutrition. At halfway (20 weeks) through the pregnancy, the baby looks like this picture above. She already

I'm Not Losing Me

I had a bad day yesterday. You know the one—a handful of little aggravating circumstances that haven’t seen results yet topped with a new unforeseen unfortunate circumstance and I broke... big, hard sobs that I had to run and stifle lest I terrify my children. My bed was my place of comfort until I could cry no more. God, where are you? My heart cried. Silence I know the right answers, the right Scriptures, the right attitudes; but at that moment I was broken—my shield and sword no longer defending but laid aside next to my crumbled self. Depression’s ugly face taunted me and tempted me to let him hold my hand. This foe whom I hadn’t seen in a long time was here again waiting for me to decide whose side I was really on. God, why won’t you just miraculously fix this growing lists of challenges I’m facing? Haven’t I tithed faithfully and given offerings? Haven’t I prayed, and fought with Scriptures, and served You? Why am I in this spot?! The vision of Peter

Life in Words

Search This Blog