Life in Words

“...for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God. (Psalm 42:11) This became my mantra the years we waited for a house to become available in the specific city that we knew God had called us to move to. All those with good intentions encouraged us to rethink about choosing a wider perimeter, but we knew that we were meant to live within this specific city. Two years past and we still had not been successful in purchasing a home. This waiting time in between receiving a word and the fulfillment of it is one of the hardest and most frustrating. If we are not careful, we can hold onto that promise so tightly that we squeeze the life out of our present. What happens if I heard incorrectly? What if it wasn’t really God? What if I am missing something? The questions and the agony of the waiting suffocate the joys of the present... In the meantime, our kids are still celebrating milestones, our present responsibilities still require completion, and our awareness of the “smaller” ...

Standing several feet taller than the average man, Goliath was no ordinary foe. He taunted the army of Israel for days before a young shepherd boy decided to face him without any armor. While listening to this story with my kids this morning, one particular part of the story jumped at me. "Goliath stood and shouted to the ranks of Israel, 'Why do you come out and line up for battle? Am I not a Philistine, and are you not the servants of Saul ?' " (1 Samuel 17:8a)(emphasis mine) He called them "servants of Saul." He didn't call them the army of Israel, God's chosen people, nor the army of God. Nothing close to what their true identity was. Now Saul (the king at the time) did not appear to be a very brave man from what I understand about him. He didn't volunteer to fight Goliath. He didn't even volunteer to go speak to him. He was only offering a reward (a very large one at that) to the person brave enough to stand up against Golia...

For someone who has never been very good at math, I sure like formulas! My sister told me the other day that my brother-in-law wondered why I wasn't an engineer since I value and prize order, organization, straight lines and routines so much. (She informed him that I sincerely lack in the area of mathematical expertise which quickly took engineering off the career table for me in college). Duty and responsibility are probably some of my loudest personality traits. This becomes a problem when I let those two parts take over in my spiritual life. I begin to recite prayers like formulas assuming they will work because of the power of the words, not the power of the Father. I begin to faithfully read my devotionals to check off my to do list, not because I'm sitting at His feet to listen. I begin to sing worship songs at church expecting the same revelations, not because I'm seeking His face. Order, familiarity, formulas, routine ... these are my places of com...

I'm a striver. I struggle with being performance oriented. Like a dancing  monkey, I might give you a good performance if you're willing to grant me a worth while reward. This fault has been the thorn in my side when it comes to not only trying to understand the unconditional love of God, but also trying to remember it. How and why would He love me when I haven't given Him a good Christian performance? Isn't He disappointed when I mess up? Isn't He embarrassed by my tantrums and disgraces? This morning as I was talking with Him and almost pleading,      "Abba, I just want to please you. I just want to do Your will..." I felt like He asked,      "Why? Are you serving me out of a fear of punishment or out of love?" Immediately I knew the answer. I had fallen back into fear of punishment. This week hasn't been my most stellar week and I was desperately trying to convince God with my words that I was going to be better. I know be...

When I was a little girl, I used to ask my younger sister to pray for things I really hoped would happen because I was convinced that God heard her prayers more than mine. I was in trouble more often than she was so it made logical sense to me that God would ignore my prayers and give ear to her's. When I saw this picture floating around Facebook it made me chuckle and remember the little girl who didn't consider her prayers very important. I imagine there are many others who also would rather have a pastor or someone more official or in tune with God to make their requests to Him on their behalf. How many times do we whisper our prayers and not even consider that God will actually bring to pass what we prayed for? How often do we consider our prayers not as valued as someone else's?  Yet God took notice of David before he was king... of Esther before she as queen... of Mary before she was the mother of Jesus... of Peter before he was a well known apostle...

I stand to praise You, But I fall to my knees. My spirit is willing, But my flesh is so weak. Light the fire In my soul, (In my weary soul) Fan the flame, Make me whole. (Make my spirit whole) Lord, You know
 
Just where I've been, (Where I've been) So light the fire in my heart again. I feel Your arms around me, As the power of Your healing begins. You breathe new life right through me, Like a mighty rushing wind. So light the fire in my heart again, Light the fire in my heart again, Light the fire in my heart again (By Bill Maxwell) Awe, the summer church camp memories those lyrics bring to mind. Back then I was more focused on how I sounded then what the song was really saying. Have you ever felt a weary soul? It’s like a slow burning fire, gradually growing cold. If it’s not stoked or reignited, it’ll go out. Sometimes these weary souls are good soldiers—doing everything they ought to be doing. On the outside, by all ...

I had a bad day yesterday. You know the one—a handful of little aggravating circumstances that haven’t seen results yet topped with a new unforeseen unfortunate circumstance and I broke... big, hard sobs that I had to run and stifle lest I terrify my children. My bed was my place of comfort until I could cry no more. God, where are you? My heart cried. Silence I know the right answers, the right Scriptures, the right attitudes; but at that moment I was broken—my shield and sword no longer defending but laid aside next to my crumbled self. Depression’s ugly face taunted me and tempted me to let him hold my hand. This foe whom I hadn’t seen in a long time was here again waiting for me to decide whose side I was really on. God, why won’t you just miraculously fix this growing lists of challenges I’m facing? Haven’t I tithed faithfully and given offerings? Haven’t I prayed, and fought with Scriptures, and served You? Why am I in this spot?! The vision of Peter ...