Skip to main content

Fatherly Love

I wander from God's love at times. With a house to keep clean and a baby's constant care I find myself only praying my routinely AM and PM prayers. No stopping to listen. No being still to acknowledge that He is God. Just get it done. Then I wonder why I feel so empty inside.

This afternoon with Elisa sleeping in her swing I heard a still, small voice again. "Maria, the same way you find yourself longing to know that Elisa smiles for you because you are mama is the same way I long for you to stop and smile with Me because I am Abba Father." Wow! God is Almighty, Infinite, All Powerful, Redeemer, Friend, Discipliner if needed, constant Provider; but above all He is still Abba Father--Daddy. How easily I forget this. How little I realize it. How much more I wish I held on it. He is my Father. He does not wait for me to mess up to "thump" me. He does not mope around for days ignoring me because I've been bad. He does not simply hand out money and answer prayers because He has to. He is not satisfied with my "Hey God, what's up? Keep my loved ones safe and help me make it through today." Just like I look down at Elisa in her crib and wait for her to open her eyes and smile at me because I am mama, God waits for me to open my eyes and say "Good morning, Father."
Why I fear Him more than I love Him sometimes bewilders me.
Yet I am thankful that He continues to use my baby to teach me more and more about Him and His Fatherly, unconditional love every day.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I'm Not Losing Me

I had a bad day yesterday. You know the one—a handful of little aggravating circumstances that haven’t seen results yet topped with a new unforeseen unfortunate circumstance and I broke... big, hard sobs that I had to run and stifle lest I terrify my children. My bed was my place of comfort until I could cry no more. God, where are you? My heart cried. Silence I know the right answers, the right Scriptures, the right attitudes; but at that moment I was broken—my shield and sword no longer defending but laid aside next to my crumbled self. Depression’s ugly face taunted me and tempted me to let him hold my hand. This foe whom I hadn’t seen in a long time was here again waiting for me to decide whose side I was really on. God, why won’t you just miraculously fix this growing lists of challenges I’m facing? Haven’t I tithed faithfully and given offerings? Haven’t I prayed, and fought with Scriptures, and served You? Why am I in this spot?! The vision of Peter ...

I Will Serve Out of Love

I'm a striver. I struggle with being performance oriented. Like a dancing  monkey, I might give you a good performance if you're willing to grant me a worth while reward. This fault has been the thorn in my side when it comes to not only trying to understand the unconditional love of God, but also trying to remember it. How and why would He love me when I haven't given Him a good Christian performance? Isn't He disappointed when I mess up? Isn't He embarrassed by my tantrums and disgraces? This morning as I was talking with Him and almost pleading,      "Abba, I just want to please you. I just want to do Your will..." I felt like He asked,      "Why? Are you serving me out of a fear of punishment or out of love?" Immediately I knew the answer. I had fallen back into fear of punishment. This week hasn't been my most stellar week and I was desperately trying to convince God with my words that I was going to be better. I know be...

Big lessons in small packages

Motherhood is hard. I can't tell you the number of nights I worry if I am doing enough, being enough, getting enough parenting answers right. I've always been one to want to get it right the first time. I don't particularly care to attempt something that I think I'll fail. I'm not much of a risk taker. Give me a planner and no uninterrupted plans and I'm a happy person. But kids don't work like that. Let's be really honest--life doesn't work like that. Kids are loud, chaotic, curious, energetic and non-stop. They can't wait to experience everything and I'm nervous about experiencing anything. They soak up all the emotional, mental and physical energy I have during the day and then have the audacity to ask for more energy during the night for whatever reason. There is no day off, no holiday break, no weekends. I am fully responsible to feed, clothe, care for, nurture, teach and protect each one every. single. day. Anyone else feel a li...