After a lifetime of wrong decisions I was rescued by a blinding light that caused me to turn from my sinful ways... No, that's not my testimony.
I'm one of the ones with the testimony of being saved at the turbulent age of 8. What do you repent from at the age of 8? Heaven knows I deserved those spankings and privilege losses; but in the grand scheme of life it doesn't sound like such a great testimony.
Well here's where it gets better...
God wasn't done with me yet.
Grateful to have been brought up by God fearing parents and always a part of a church, I still had my moments of doubt. Who doesn't? The teen years--that's when you really decide who's side you're on. There are friends who chose to walk away from the faith we grew up with. Something didn't click. There's a moment when you have to decide that you believe what you believe because YOU believe it--not because your parents make you go to church. I had that moment. I chose to stick to my faith, but something was still missing.
In my late teens/early college, I rededicated my life to Christ and really decided to live for Him. Life wasn't all smiles and rainbows. I had survived a very deep and dark depression in my teen years and was doing my best to "perform" correctly for God. You know what I'm talking about. Sure, we've been saved by grace, but we still need to earn His favor by being good, right. After all, I could feel Him shun me when I wasn't performing at my best Christian level. (Or was it my back that had turned from the light?)
Still my soul longed for more...
Enter Maher...This guy had a faith like I had never seen before. He believed in something called the power of the Holy Spirit. Oh yeah, you know... the Jimminy Cricket part of the Trinity that tells you whether something is right or wrong. You see, I was brought up in denominations that tell you that His power is limited--He doesn't work like He used to in the Bible times. Physical healings, supernatural experiences, prophecy, and (get ready for it) praying in tongues were all things that aren't real anymore. You can't just pray evil away. Those "things" are, well, weird and were completely unfamiliar to me, yet Maher had something about him that was just... different.
Well, fast forward a few years and now Maher and I are engaged. I've committed to living my life with this terrific guy and now comes the hard part--I've got to go to his church. BE STILL MY BEATING HEART was all I could think as I watched in a bit of horror as his church's members not only lifted their hands during worship but also were partaking in tongues, praise dancing and rebuking evil in the name of Jesus. What in the world is this?! And I have to come to church here now?! Oh boy... Bonus! When people there wanted to pray for me, they wanted to touch me! Oh no! Please don't touch me. It scares me. I am more of a handshake person. Please don't invade my personal space. Good gracious... what have I gotten myself into?
Yet... I was intrigued. What if there is more to this Christian faith?
Maher and I did end up getting married and struggled for the first few years as I continued to perform in all my relationships--with God, with my family, with my husband. If I messed up, I knew he would leave me. Others had...I hadn't been worth keeping for so many before. Let's be honest, Maria, it'll only be a matter of time before he notices the fraud/burden/annoying tendencies and leaves too. Oh fear... it had such a stronghold over me. I was one of the most insecure and fearful Christians I know. I lived my life by fear. Fear ruled all my decisions. Yes, I was a Christian but I didn't know that I could REALLY be rid of fear--permanently.
God wasn't done with me yet...
Fast forward in our marriage to the wonderful revelation of Gateway church. This place was different but not so "in your face" different to scare me. A good different... a kind different... a gracious different. I liked it. I started to listen to all the online sermons that we had missed from Pastor Robert. One in particular explained the Holy Spirit and who He is so well that I was blessed enough to have my eyes opened and received the Holy Spirit in ALL of His entirety. I was ecstatic! Maher was ecstatic! I had finally found that part of my faith that I was missing. I had completed all the levels of my Christian faith. Right? Wrong...
Advertisements for PINK Impact (women's conference) start appearing and Maher starts pushing me to go. No way am I going to a women's conference to be surrounded by all the well off and well put together women who will be seated happily next to their friends and glance at lonely me with that "bless her heart" look. I HATE going to things by myself. Let me repeat... I HATE it. Yet, there He was. My newly discovered spiritual friend nudging me to go. So I bought my ticket--grudgingly.
Here's where the "cool" part of my testimony starts to come in.
God arranged for me to meet three new wonderful friends who I was blessed to sit next to because there "happened" to be an empty seat.
Then I signed up for the healing room and was physically (yes physically) healed from a terrible burning/gnawing in my upper stomach that I had had for months. I had been told it could be an ulcer and was given Nexium with a "hope you get better" by the nurse practitioner. Now, this pain...it was gone! By prayer! With two lovely ladies who taught me how to pray with the authority CHRIST had already given me. I didn't know how to pray like that!
Then the fear started to creep back in... gripping my heart and whispering that I was really going to get it now. Be prepared for battle Maria... Oh no! I'm scared again. The pain starts to violently come back...but I square my shoulders and start to pray like I had been taught and ... it went away. Again! In that moment, I learned something I had never really believed before--my prayers were powerful, meaningful and worked!
I can "own my zone" in Charolette Gambil's words and I can live a life free of fear.
Suddenly, during the last worship song, I saw it, the bottomline of my experience and new knowledge--a vision of me being held hostage in a small, dark box that suddenly burst open. I was surrounded by white light and I stood up for the first time. It all hit me at once... I was FREE! For the first time in my life, I was completely free. Jesus Christ had taken a broken down Christian and set her free.
Now that's my testimony.
"The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." John 10:10 (emphasis mine)
I'm free. Really, truly, completely free by HIS power alone.
I'm one of the ones with the testimony of being saved at the turbulent age of 8. What do you repent from at the age of 8? Heaven knows I deserved those spankings and privilege losses; but in the grand scheme of life it doesn't sound like such a great testimony.
Well here's where it gets better...
God wasn't done with me yet.
Grateful to have been brought up by God fearing parents and always a part of a church, I still had my moments of doubt. Who doesn't? The teen years--that's when you really decide who's side you're on. There are friends who chose to walk away from the faith we grew up with. Something didn't click. There's a moment when you have to decide that you believe what you believe because YOU believe it--not because your parents make you go to church. I had that moment. I chose to stick to my faith, but something was still missing.
In my late teens/early college, I rededicated my life to Christ and really decided to live for Him. Life wasn't all smiles and rainbows. I had survived a very deep and dark depression in my teen years and was doing my best to "perform" correctly for God. You know what I'm talking about. Sure, we've been saved by grace, but we still need to earn His favor by being good, right. After all, I could feel Him shun me when I wasn't performing at my best Christian level. (Or was it my back that had turned from the light?)
Still my soul longed for more...
Enter Maher...This guy had a faith like I had never seen before. He believed in something called the power of the Holy Spirit. Oh yeah, you know... the Jimminy Cricket part of the Trinity that tells you whether something is right or wrong. You see, I was brought up in denominations that tell you that His power is limited--He doesn't work like He used to in the Bible times. Physical healings, supernatural experiences, prophecy, and (get ready for it) praying in tongues were all things that aren't real anymore. You can't just pray evil away. Those "things" are, well, weird and were completely unfamiliar to me, yet Maher had something about him that was just... different.
Well, fast forward a few years and now Maher and I are engaged. I've committed to living my life with this terrific guy and now comes the hard part--I've got to go to his church. BE STILL MY BEATING HEART was all I could think as I watched in a bit of horror as his church's members not only lifted their hands during worship but also were partaking in tongues, praise dancing and rebuking evil in the name of Jesus. What in the world is this?! And I have to come to church here now?! Oh boy... Bonus! When people there wanted to pray for me, they wanted to touch me! Oh no! Please don't touch me. It scares me. I am more of a handshake person. Please don't invade my personal space. Good gracious... what have I gotten myself into?
Yet... I was intrigued. What if there is more to this Christian faith?
Maher and I did end up getting married and struggled for the first few years as I continued to perform in all my relationships--with God, with my family, with my husband. If I messed up, I knew he would leave me. Others had...I hadn't been worth keeping for so many before. Let's be honest, Maria, it'll only be a matter of time before he notices the fraud/burden/annoying tendencies and leaves too. Oh fear... it had such a stronghold over me. I was one of the most insecure and fearful Christians I know. I lived my life by fear. Fear ruled all my decisions. Yes, I was a Christian but I didn't know that I could REALLY be rid of fear--permanently.
God wasn't done with me yet...
Fast forward in our marriage to the wonderful revelation of Gateway church. This place was different but not so "in your face" different to scare me. A good different... a kind different... a gracious different. I liked it. I started to listen to all the online sermons that we had missed from Pastor Robert. One in particular explained the Holy Spirit and who He is so well that I was blessed enough to have my eyes opened and received the Holy Spirit in ALL of His entirety. I was ecstatic! Maher was ecstatic! I had finally found that part of my faith that I was missing. I had completed all the levels of my Christian faith. Right? Wrong...
Advertisements for PINK Impact (women's conference) start appearing and Maher starts pushing me to go. No way am I going to a women's conference to be surrounded by all the well off and well put together women who will be seated happily next to their friends and glance at lonely me with that "bless her heart" look. I HATE going to things by myself. Let me repeat... I HATE it. Yet, there He was. My newly discovered spiritual friend nudging me to go. So I bought my ticket--grudgingly.
Here's where the "cool" part of my testimony starts to come in.
God arranged for me to meet three new wonderful friends who I was blessed to sit next to because there "happened" to be an empty seat.
Then I signed up for the healing room and was physically (yes physically) healed from a terrible burning/gnawing in my upper stomach that I had had for months. I had been told it could be an ulcer and was given Nexium with a "hope you get better" by the nurse practitioner. Now, this pain...it was gone! By prayer! With two lovely ladies who taught me how to pray with the authority CHRIST had already given me. I didn't know how to pray like that!
Then the fear started to creep back in... gripping my heart and whispering that I was really going to get it now. Be prepared for battle Maria... Oh no! I'm scared again. The pain starts to violently come back...but I square my shoulders and start to pray like I had been taught and ... it went away. Again! In that moment, I learned something I had never really believed before--my prayers were powerful, meaningful and worked!
I can "own my zone" in Charolette Gambil's words and I can live a life free of fear.
Suddenly, during the last worship song, I saw it, the bottomline of my experience and new knowledge--a vision of me being held hostage in a small, dark box that suddenly burst open. I was surrounded by white light and I stood up for the first time. It all hit me at once... I was FREE! For the first time in my life, I was completely free. Jesus Christ had taken a broken down Christian and set her free.
Now that's my testimony.
"The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." John 10:10 (emphasis mine)
I'm free. Really, truly, completely free by HIS power alone.
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