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I need to be busy...

I'm a doer.
You know, someone who is performance oriented.
I need to be doing something--something productive.
I need to feel needed, wanted, valued, appreciated.
I like checklists--writing them, prioritizing them, finishing them, checking it all off.
I like to feel busy, be busy, sound busy.
For you see, somewhere along my life I learned that this made me feel important, valued, needed, wanted and appreciated.

Right now, I'm in a season of waiting. There are things that I enjoyed doing and/or I would like to be still doing that I know God has told me to say no to right now. Things that kept me busy, made me feel needed, wanted, valued and appreciated.
Last night as I struggled with tears streaming down my face, I poured out my very empty feeling heart to God as I don't understand the why or how of this season of waiting.
Then this morning, a quiet, gentle voice whispered a thought to me.
Maybe I continue to be in this season of waiting because I haven't learned my value yet.
I have always found my value in what I can do, not in who I am.
I need to be busy doing something--something productive (and side not, preferably not just the dishes again, or the laundry, or the child referee)
You know, something to change the world.
Yet, I can't help but feel convicted when I think about that whispered suggestion.
I know the right Bible verses. I have heard the sermons. I know where my value lies.
Apparently, I haven't really believed it yet.
So I will continue to learn how to really understand and believe what my real value is and where it really resides.
Maybe when I've really understood His love and value for me, He'll let me change the world.
Until then, I will practice being joyful in all circumstances as I busy myself with the overflowing kitchen sink.

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