A Mother's Prayer Journal

Pages filled with anxious thoughts.
Self rebukes over faithless walks.

Tear stained ink blots.
Happily scribbled exclamation dots.

Trials recorded and lives unfolded,
Over the creased lines of stories told.

Pleas for wisdom.
Cries for mercy.

Answered petitions,
And surprised renditions
Of stories with newly twisted plots.

Desperation.
Exasperation.

Written daily!
Then forgotten lazily...

Stories of successful potties.
Frustration with consistent naughty.

Prayers of hope.
Prayers for peace.

Memory verses needed as
Persistent sources of daily strength.

Determined stances.
Defeated chances.

Joy filled exclamations.
Laughed over situations.

Healing supplications.
Worship then adoration.

These are what fill my pages.
Stories of my children's lives.
Written with a fiery drive
By a mother who strives
To cover them in prayer.

Memories for one day soon.
A notebook to be passed on to you.
A family recipe better than any heirloom.
A mother's prayer journal.

Comments

I'm Not Losing Me

I had a bad day yesterday. You know the one—a handful of little aggravating circumstances that haven’t seen results yet topped with a new unforeseen unfortunate circumstance and I broke... big, hard sobs that I had to run and stifle lest I terrify my children. My bed was my place of comfort until I could cry no more. God, where are you? My heart cried. Silence I know the right answers, the right Scriptures, the right attitudes; but at that moment I was broken—my shield and sword no longer defending but laid aside next to my crumbled self. Depression’s ugly face taunted me and tempted me to let him hold my hand. This foe whom I hadn’t seen in a long time was here again waiting for me to decide whose side I was really on. God, why won’t you just miraculously fix this growing lists of challenges I’m facing? Haven’t I tithed faithfully and given offerings? Haven’t I prayed, and fought with Scriptures, and served You? Why am I in this spot?! The vision of Peter ...

I Will Serve Out of Love

I'm a striver. I struggle with being performance oriented. Like a dancing monkey, I might give you a good performance if you're willing to grant me a worth while reward. This fault has been the thorn in my side when it comes to not only trying to understand the unconditional love of God, but also trying to remember it. How and why would He love me when I haven't given Him a good Christian performance? Isn't He disappointed when I mess up? Isn't He embarrassed by my tantrums and disgraces? This morning as I was talking with Him and almost pleading, "Abba, I just want to please you. I just want to do Your will..." I felt like He asked, "Why? Are you serving me out of a fear of punishment or out of love?" Immediately I knew the answer. I had fallen back into fear of punishment. This week hasn't been my most stellar week and I was desperately trying to convince God with my words that I was going to be better. I know be...

Big lessons in small packages

Motherhood is hard. I can't tell you the number of nights I worry if I am doing enough, being enough, getting enough parenting answers right. I've always been one to want to get it right the first time. I don't particularly care to attempt something that I think I'll fail. I'm not much of a risk taker. Give me a planner and no uninterrupted plans and I'm a happy person. But kids don't work like that. Let's be really honest--life doesn't work like that. Kids are loud, chaotic, curious, energetic and non-stop. They can't wait to experience everything and I'm nervous about experiencing anything. They soak up all the emotional, mental and physical energy I have during the day and then have the audacity to ask for more energy during the night for whatever reason. There is no day off, no holiday break, no weekends. I am fully responsible to feed, clothe, care for, nurture, teach and protect each one every. single. day. Anyone else feel a li...

Life in Words

Search This Blog